some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You're like the curious george of whores
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
