How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just high enough for therapy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
