Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I need to stop coming to work sober
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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