sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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