I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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