Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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