Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
