I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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