If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
