Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Your face is a jimmy john
I think I died a long time ago.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
