3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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