Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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