I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
