Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
