last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
