member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
