I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
