Christians are straight up FREAKS
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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