you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
