i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
