Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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