you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
