she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
