Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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