If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
