Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
