I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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