It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
