I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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