I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
