I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
