Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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