You're completely useless in the revolution.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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