I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
