fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
