i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
