You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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