STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
