I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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