Say something about gay babies.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am one with the molecules
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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