Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
