I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
