Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
