woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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