Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
