Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Randomize
