Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
