WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
