Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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