Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
